So I haven’t been too comfortable in my own skin lately. I don’t know what it is, but it’s like there is a dark cloud hovering over my head the whole time. Everything gets on my nerves, I can’t relax (not even when I’m doing yoga!), I lose my patience quickly and I’m just no fun to be around. Not even for me. Because there is a limit to what I can do to make myself smile again (I mean: I can’t just leave the kids in bed and go out one day. Not that I want that, but that’s what I mean: there are limits. The kids have to come with me, it has to be doable by bus and shouldn’t cost a cent and we’re good.. Pretty much impossible if you ask me, or is that my negative attitude again??) I had to figure something else out. That something needs to be done is for sure cause I don’t even want to be with me.
So here’s what I’m gonna try: positivity. Yes. Not by trying this from the inside out (by thinking positive, which is hard and it just doesn’t work for me) but this time I’m gonna try it the other way around. I’m gonna surround myself with positivity. I’m looking up all kinds of stories online about people doing nice things for other people, Google ‘faith in humanity restored’ I always try to do ‘green’ things because it makes me feel like I’m doing a good thing, but I’m even more serious about it now. I want to do random acts of kindness, starting tomorrow, to get even more positivity in my life. I don’t have any money to give away (I read about people hiding dollars at dollar stores, paying for people behind them at a drive through, buying presents for kids and giving them out.. Amazing if you have the money for it, but we just don’t have any extra money), but maybe I can bake some cookies and do something with that (giving them to the fire station located not far from here?), leave one of those encouraging notes in mailboxes in the neighborhood, like some awesome mailman did,
letting people go in front of you in line at the supermarket, smiling and saying hello at everybody you see, be generous with complements to complete strangers, go through the boys toys and clothes and donate whatever is too small/they don’t play with anymore, leave some cookies wrapped up in our mailbox for our mailman to thank him for delivering mail every day… I love the thought of all these sweet things to do, I’m probably too cynical though… All I can think about is the mailman (who is actually a woman) seeing the cookies and thinking we want to poison her or something, and throw them away (or worse: not even taking them). I don’t WANT that to happen, it’s just something I would think if I would find a box of free (homemade) cookies.. That might be just the Big City (Amsterdam) girl in me..
My cynical self is not going to stop me though. I will do at least one random act of kindness a day and hopefully all these positive things will turn me in to a more positive person too. I will keep you posted!